I'm finding myself in an odd place. I'm constantly stressing myself over writing things that nobody knows about or is waiting on. It's kinda dumb but I guess it's normal. Along with being stressed out over things I find myself seeing everything I've done, and though it all remains unknown it still exits regardless. I started out wanting to write movies, plays, and comics. I knew I had it in me to write but I hadn't really put in the work or the time. See, you can know you have it in you all along but unless you actually put the work in it'll never really come out or be honed or crafted. I realized this after a shift in careers.
As I've stated before, writing books wasn't in the plan. However, with that said, I've always thought if I were to happen to do some someday it would be in the form of a poetry book, a horror anthology, a play, and/or a collection of odds and ends. It had also crept up how great it would be to write a science fiction novel; of course, the dream in doing so would write a scifi classic that would go down in history with the greats, big dreams. We all have big dreams in us. Some are fantastical and some are plausible. Regardless of your dream, just remember that it will never become a reality until you take that first step. You want to be a doctor? Enroll in school. You want to be a chef? Start as a line cook. You want to be a painter? Paint. You want to be a writer? Write. Just take that step.
I always had big dreams in the art world but never put in the work solo. I tried many times to work with people but my heart would end up alone in the project. I'd love to find a co-writer for a lot of these stories I have sitting around but going solo has taught me a lot. Each project is like a workout that's getting me stronger for the next. I'm learning every time and I hope I never stop learning. One thing I learned is how important it is to manifest your dreams, speak them into existence. Say it, write it down, figure it out and act on it. Even if you number or bullet point your plan(s) and work your way down the list. I bullet point a lot when I write. I have the scenes in my head and mark them down but then I have to think of what the B is in order to get from A to C. A lot of it is hole-filling. And a lot of life is like that: what's your next step to get to your goal?
Switching from the film world to a literary focus was an odd merger. My first book, a poetry book, was published but I'd continued writing and sending screenplays. I had learned that I was writing them all wrong but I couldn't understand it, I was working so hard. Though that dream was proving to be a bust I had actually reached another by seeing my poetry book released. I had let my scripts sit and started to work on something for the publisher of my poetry book they were calling submissions for. I was scared at first. "I've never written a novel. I don't know if I can do it." I was scared to start but I used my (limited) screenwriting skills to start. Last Rites of the Capacitance was originally all in journal form from the captain's log recounting the story, however it soon changed and the result reads very much like watching a movie with it told in a mix of security footage and journal entries. With me being as green as I was, the book underwent extensive editing and took a lot time to be released, but it taught me a lot. Who I was as a writer at that time and what I wanted to work on. It also taught me patience, the hurry up and wait of the business. Be patient and work hard, it'll become real.
While waiting for its release, my second poetry book came out - something that had been sitting around for a long time and I was happy to finally get it out - and I self-published for the first time with two horror anthologies. I took my horror scripts and stripped them of film speak and kept the rest, transferring it to a more literary form. If I had the right mind or right determination, I would've dissected them all and fleshed them out to be more "book like" but that was the writer I was at that time. I didn't dive too deep into the meanings or even the characters just kept all the crazy and the gore and ran with it. At this point I was too excited for my novel that I hadn't really taken into consideration that I had not only a second poetry book out but put out two horror anthologies. I had poetry books and horror anthologies out and had written a science fiction novel, all things on my "maybe someday" list. I didn't appreciate it at the time, not really. I was just in a mode of go-go-go. Appreciate what you have and what you've accomplished, because you did it.
It's interesting looking back on Last Rites of the Capacitance. It's in present tense which is how I was writing at that time. I see so much in it that I would've done differently, but I'm incredibly proud of that book. It's full of big ideas and I got to work out my visuals. It's only gotten a few reviews but the feedback I've received has been really positive. To date it's my only novel released.
Earlier this year I had three self-published releases, still in that MOVE mode. I re-released my two horror anthologies together as one, slightly rewritten and tightened up. I didn't want to change the writer I was at that time but I did want to clean up the presentation. I find myself having trouble calling them my official horror anthology as they were meant for something else, but I do have more horror stories that are designed for such a book. I think I may get it done and out next year, as for now, my dance card is full. I then released the experimental play that had been growing for some time. I still hope to get a reading going soon. I want to hear how it all sounds aloud. That's a first step I need to take when I get some free time. So I'd gotten a play out. I was excited, and still am, that something on my original goal was done. Shortly afterwards I released my collection of odds and ends, things taken from this blog and rewritten and tightened up. Nobody's reading these but I have to stay positive in the fact that they exist and that they exist because of me. Stay strong in what you want even if you want isn't what everyone else wants. Let me be a lesson and be happy in your creation even if you're the only one who knows it exists.
I'm working on several things right now and needed this time to stop and try to relieve stress and remember everything I've accomplished. I've crammed five to eight years of struggle into three. I've had a swelling feeling of just wanting to get everything done that I've wanted to do. Whatever you want, be it reasonable and nonviolent, go for it, do it all. It won't happen immediately. It'll take time. You'll want to quit. Just keep at it.
Along this journey I co-created a comic book with artist Dennis Magnant. We did our first issue and took a break. We're working on retooling it after having a change of heart with its direction. Other than that book we have a few other smaller projects we've kicked around. We hope to get back to working together soon. I'd like to work on more comic book projects and I'm trying to muster up enough courage to do the art for one myself. My problem with a lot of projects has been I either have the format and no story or a story and no format. Something I need to work on.
There are still many things on my bucketlist of sorts to get to and the only way to get to them is to do them, marking them off the list as I go. Instead of taking extended time to hone my craft I've decided to just keep moving and forge ahead allowing everyone to see the growth as the projects are released.
Well I guess that's enough of my rambling for now and it's time to get back to work. I hope you read the work and tell your friends. And remember to go for that dream no matter how outlandish others will make it seem. Work your ass off but be patient with the outcome.
amazon.com/author/carterchristopher
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