Friday, March 29, 2019

A Little Spring Cleaning


A LITTLE SPRING CLEANING



“Honey, I’m going to kill you.”

Those words started it all. It was completed with a big toothy grin and she replies to it with a confused, “Wh-What?” A quick stab into her chest with a kitchen knife catches her more off guard than his statement. So struck, sounds aren’t even an option for her. He plucks the blade from her chest cavity by its wooden handle and a red splatter rains on his suit and the white wall behind him. A spackle on his face doesn’t break his white smile. The daughter enters the room just in time to scream.

“AHHH! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?”

“Darling, I’m killing your mother…. And then…. You’re next.”

“MOM!?”

A short gargling noise exits her mouth as she tries to speak.

“She can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’d like to leave a message…”

The daughter stands baffled, confused. His wife grasps his suit jacket attempting a plea and coughs up a crimson discharge down his tan golf putter tie. Cindy, the daughter, coming to her senses, bolts out of the kitchen to get help.

He grabs his wife’s face and lifts it to look at her, “Stick around, dear, I’ll be back.”

Raising her right arm, he plunges the kitchen knife through her forearm into the doorframe leaving her hanging there awaiting her doom.

He realizes his daughter’s a high school cheerleader and her stamina and agility could be the deciding factor of if she gets away or not. But he MUST go in order! Chronology is the only way sometimes, especially in eliminating a household.

“This house is big, Cindy, but it’s not that big!” He yells down the hallway of their spacious home. She’s upstairs dialing a telephone number; can you guess which one?

“And don’t worry about the phones, sweetheart! I cut the lines when you were at practice!”

Shit!’ She thinks to herself. She steps out of the room and slowly walks down the hall while ducking.

“Sweetie!?” He yells throwing a vase against the wall, shattering into an unknown number of pieces.

The loud echo of breaking glass sends her back to the room. Frustrated, she stomps around. Quick thoughts! She checks the window: the climb – unstable; the fall – unbearable. HER CELL PHONE! Wait, she left it downstairs in her bag. ‘Shit!’ She thought again.

“Are you upstairs, downstairs, or on the main floor? That is the question. I don’t think you’re on the main floor. That just wouldn’t make any sense: to hide from someone within their range. Or maybe you think I’d think that and you are on this floor. Maybe that’s your plan. I go upstairs to get you and you run out of the house. Very smart, but c’mon, darling, you are a cheerleader. You could have went downstairs but I highly doubt that. You more than likely went to yours or someone else’s room up there. I know you can hear me. I know you’re listening.” His rant echoes, of course she can hear it.

He looks around the living room for anything to use when he realizes the fireplace is behind him. Thumbing through his fireplace tools, he chooses the poker.

She hears the front door open, and leaves the room. It’s her brother, a grade lower than her senior year in high school. Upon entering, he can tell something’s up.

“Uh, hey dad, what’s going on?”

“Nothin’, Champ. Say, could you do me a favor?”

“Um I guess.”

“AH!” His father yells as his smashes his knees in with the poker.

“Stay right there.” A favor he can surely grant without the required goods to run away.

Cindy bolts to the balcony upstairs, a little late. “BILLY! GET OUT! HE KILLED MOM AND NOW HE’S GONNA KILL US!”

In between shooting pains causing grunts and moans “Holy shit!” is the only thing that can make it out of the boy’s mouth.

“AHA! I knew it!” The head of the household launches the poker upstairs as if it were a spear. She turns to run and avoid it but isn’t so lucky. It catches the very end of her heal as she runs. The splintering pain catches her off guard as she thought she had escaped it. He takes off upstairs after her. She thinks quicker than he thinks she thinks. She locks the inside of her parents’ bedroom and slams it shut, quietly sneaking into the hall closet at the end of the hallway. He rushes upstairs and immediately grabs the poker. He looks in her room, quick look in Billy’s room, and figured it would be in his own room. The only door shut and locked. The smile’s never left his face. He tries the door. Locked. Expected.

“Let me in and I’ll make all of this go away. Just like I did for your mother. I’ll get you a new ceeelll phhoooone. Okay? SO LET ME IN!” He thrusts the poker into the door, stabbing it several times to wear a hole. Then kicking it repeatedly. The sound of her heartbeat’s rising. It’s getting harder for her to regulate her breathing and not scream, knowing all this is but inches away from the closet in which she’s taken up as her hiding spot.

He breaks the door in and gives the room a quick search. He drops the poker and grabs the biggest golf club he sees out of his bag in the closet then stops. She tears out of the closet as he heads after her. They get down the long hallway when “FORE!” her ankles are shattered by his impressive golf swing. She collapses into the railing and flips over it.

“Well, you’ll never cheer again.” He says. She’s hanging on the balcony by what little strength her hands and arms have. “And there’s nothing worse than a cheerleader whose light on the cheer.” Father holds up his club about a foot or so off the ground and drops it on her fingertips. She falls back first through a glass coffee table. The brother, seeing it all, screams.

Their dad strolls downstairs. He walks past the crippled son and the braindead, damn near comatose, daughter to find his wife bled to death with her arm still pinned to the wall.

“Honey, I’ll be needing this.” He plucks the knife from her arm and the wall as more blood spurts out.

“Okay, son, time for some bonding.” He says walking into the living room. He kneels down before his son and squeezes his leg.

“AH! SHIT!” The son yells out in pain.

“Don’t take this personal, son. I’m just going to murder you.” He draws the knife back for a good thrust while Billy slaps away and fighting for dear life.

“Wait!” He stops.

“What? What?” A jittery Billy replies.

“When did we get Kiki? Did we get her before we had you?”

“Yes…Yes, yes.” He responds hoping he’ll be left alone a little while longer.

“I thought so… My apologies, I’ll return shortly.”

He goes to the basement door and opens it. The lights are off as his silhouette covers their dog laying in her doggy bed. Billy picks himself up enough to open the front door and starts attempting to crawl out. Meanwhile, father dearest heads downstairs to take care of the family mutt. “Come here. Here, girl.” He says picking her up. Standing, the canine would maybe reach his knees. “We’re gonna play a new game today, aren’t we, girl?” He opens the dryer door and is about to put Kiki in there for a spin when he sees from the small basement windows that his son has gone against his favor. He sees Billy crawling outside on the front porch. “Ah, something else to take care of. One favor, that’s all I asked for.” He strolls upstairs petting her. Her panting revealing she’s excited about what lies ahead.

“Son, don’t wander too far!” He says on the way to the bathroom. “Okay, where was it? Ah yes.” He opens the bathroom closet to find his electric shavers. His sheers, if you will. And yes, he shaves the dog as far down as the fur can get without having to razor shave it. Quick and easy, not taking more time than what he needs.

He passes the wife in the kitchen again, “Dear, don’t worry about dinner. I’ve got it covered.”

He finds and pulls out the biggest turkey pot he can find. “Hmm, let’s say, 450.” He sets the oven’s temperature. He digs through the pantry while the family pet sits in a pot cold and shaking. “Teriyaki or BBQ? …BBQ? Yeah, I agree.” He pours the full bottle of bar-be-cue sauce all over the cold pup. And sprinkles some salt and adds a dash of pepper. “Oh yeah, this should be a good one.” The DING lets him know the pre-heat’s done. “Welp, time to go.” He places Kiki in the oven, with oven mitts of course, and is off to find his son. This time through the back door.

Meanwhile Billy’s almost across the front yard to the front gate of the fence. He has to crawl in short increments due to the massive pain in his legs, but he’s almost there. And that’s when he heard the lawnmower start up. He turns to his right when he sees his dad still in his blood-soaked suit and a visor (to keep the sun out of his face while he mows) mowing in his direction.

“Hi there, son! Beautiful weather isn’t it!?” He pops up the mower and starts mowing his son, Billy. A punch red showers their white picket fence and the rest of his nice suit. It mangles half of Billy’s body when the mower gets clogged.

“Damn cheap models, I told her to get the highest quality items.”

He notices a nearby neighbor coming outside to get his mail, “Hey, Ted!” and waves.



Not but an hour later a car pulls up in the driveway. It’s the maid! Their polite Spanish maid, Lucille. She has a bag of cleaning supplies as she comes through the front gate and notices a dilapidated body beneath the mower. “Oh, my…”

She enters the house and sees the mess and the daughter lying in a pool of glass and blood. “My lord…”

Lucille walks into the kitchen where there’s a large platter of BBQ in the middle of the table. Where the Mrs. is on one side, dead, face down on the table. And on the other side is a bright smiling head of the household in his bloody suit.

“LUCILLE! Would you like some BBQ?”

“Meester, meester!” She exclaimed in her broken English, “Look at your suit!”

“It’s okay,” He says, “We use Sorox detergent. It gets all the stains out.” He gives a big thumb up complete with a wink.

“Oh, you.” She says giggling.



“CUT!” The director yells. “Jerry, that was really good. But this time let’s try more smiling. This is a family commercial, after all. Everybody in Stereo Falls is gonna be watching this. That wraps Sorox laundry detergent commercial, take one. Okay, everybody, let’s get cleaned up and take a thirty minute lunch. Then we need to get back to make-up and start over for a second take.”


“Okay, Sorox detergent, take two. Action!”

“Honey, I’m going to kill you…”




Friday, March 22, 2019

The Call (In Three Parts)



THE CALL (In Three Parts)




The Call I

[Phone rings]

A man answers.

Man:  Yes?

Woman:  It’s me.  I don’t have long.  He’s in the shower.  I just wanted to call and say I had a wonderful time earlier.

Man:  I had a great time with you too.  When will I see you again?

Woman:  Wait… [indistinct noises] Sorry, I thought I heard him.  I don’t know when a good time would be.

Man:  Can I come see you at work?

Woman:  I don’t know if that’s a good idea.

Man:  Well what about after work?

Woman:  Eh, he’s getting off of work early tomorrow.

Man:  Ugh, it’s so frustrating.

Woman:  I know, I know.  But we knew it would be… You know this would be so much simpler if he was dead.

Man:  Yeah, no shit.  But that’s a whole lotta trouble I don’t wanna get into.

Woman:  You don’t think I’m worth it – Oh, damn.  His shower’s done.  I’ll talk to you soon.  Bye.

Man:  Goodni—[click]





The Call II

[Phone ringing]

*BEEP*

Man:  Hi, I’m not in at the moment but please leave a message and I’ll get back to you.

*BEEP*

Woman:  Honey, it’s me.  I know you said not to call you at this time but I just had to tell you.  It’s… [coughs] It’s done.  I did it.  I did it all for you.  For us.  The money, the house, it’s all ours.  I won’t give any details over the phone but the next time we speak I’ll tell you everything you want to know.  I’m so excited.  It’s like a new beginning for us.  I love you and I’ll talk to you soon.  Bye.

[Click]





The Call III

[Phone ringing]

Man:  Hello?

Woman:  HELP ME!  YOU GOTTA HELP ME!

Man:  Just calm down.  What happened?

Woman:  He…He came back!  He’s trying to kill me… [sobbing]

Man:  What do you mean “he came back”?

Woman:  What do you think I mean!?  I shot him, chopped him up with up with an ax and buried his ass last night and tonight he’s in my house tearing the place apart.  [Sobs] He’s going to kill meeeeee…

Man:  He’s not going to kill you.  Listen to me.  Where are you in the house?

Woman:  I’m upstairs in the-ah, AHHHHHH!  HE’S…HE’S…

[Indistinct rustling]

Man:  Hey…  HEY!

Husband:  …She won’t be making it tonight.

[Click]

Friday, March 15, 2019

Living the Dream


LIVING THE DREAM

Do you believe a house can cause you to dream?
We moved into this house for my career. I needed a quaint little town to hole myself up in and work. I’m a writer and I’m writing my follow-up novel to my collection of essays, “Meta-Neural Statistics: Imperialism of the Mind”. I wanted to start fresh and create a new novel, a new story from the ground up instead of working off of any pre-existing story of mine. Doing so has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember and now it’s coming true. My wife and daughter are my rock and my biggest supporters. They were hesitant about the move at first but in the end agreed that it would be good for us. I kept hearing Stereo Falls was a really peaceful neighborhood and those are words a writer loves to hear.
We've lived on this block for about four weeks now, my wife, daughter, and I. To the left of us is a house usually inhabited by old people and young unwed mothers. On our street alone there are two churches of two different religions, however no rivalries ensue, to which I’m happy not seeing suburban crusades. In between the two is a vacant lot that used to be an apartment building until it went up in flames just within our first week of being here. While the residents were out, a friend of the family stopped by to cook and the next thing the family knows is they're coming home to nothing. True story, we were outside when the family got home; to see their reactions which were as tragic as you’d imagine. The family lost everything they owned. Seeing the look on their faces was more horrifying than the fire itself. Luckily (if you can call it that) they were the only family currently living in the apartment building and no one was hurt.
And next to this now empty space is a soon-to-be vacant lot. This is every street's typical creepy looking house. Looks as if it's rotting every minute you see it. The old woman who stayed there had passed away some time ago. A condemned sign has been on the door for a long time now. The mailman would refer to her as the cheesecake lady, though I never understood the reference. But a more descriptive name for her would be ‘cat lady’ as she was your stereotypical old lady with cats all over the place. As a matter of fact, they're still there to this day. I’m almost certain that the cats own it and the elderly woman was merely a tenant. The rotting house stands (barely) right across the street from our home, covered in cats. But then again, if I were them, I would stay on the outside as well. Lord knows when that thing’s gonna come down on its own without the city’s help.
Down the block, on our side of the street, are some houses with quiet owners. In fact we see them so seldom I wonder if they're still there. Then, as if all that's not enough, several houses down is the town old folks’ home. They say it’s a retirement home but I believe it’s for the mentally disabled as I frequently see people there talking to themselves or holding conversations with the dog. Then it comes down to the house on the right. In the past four weeks I've seen more people live in that apartment building than anywhere else in town. I'm pretty sure it's a crack house or at least a drug house of some kind. I know, not exactly the place to raise kids, but it’s temporary. When the book’s done we’ll be off to a more permanent location. Every neighbor we've had next door has been trouble makers. The police make their rounds in this neighborhood more often than the ice cream man. Though I do wonder, why the repeat visits if it’s just going to continue? I would argue that it would be good to either actually fix the problem or just not come around at all. Seeing police on this block is false hope.
There’s been an unsettling feeling for a while now but it’s been so hard to pinpoint. I’ve lived in worse neighborhoods so I know it’s not the surroundings. I’m sure someone would suggest that our house is haunted but I don’t believe in that crap. But there is something… I’ve been having the strangest dreams. My wife says it’s just a subconscious brainstorming as I’m still searching for a topic for my novel but it feels like it’s something else. It can’t be my imagination going haywire, it just sounds too absurd, and then again, so does a haunted house making you dream in particular ways. Maybe it’s the town, maybe it’s the house, who knows; it’s probably just nerves, stress. I've been so paranoid as of late but don't want to startle my family. When I’ve brought it up at the dinner table both my wife and child claim to have been sleeping just fine. I wake up from my dreams and it feels like I’m still in them. Sometimes I know I’m dreaming but I can’t bring myself out of it. Sometimes I wake up distraught, so I come downstairs to work. Upon moving in I immediately set up the basement as my office. It’s quiet, dark, and peaceful. I’m at my desk right now. My eyes are heavy but I don’t want to go to sleep. I’m tired but I’m even more tired of feeling held captive by some ridiculous dreams.
My desk holds my typewriter, which I inherited from my grandfather when he passed, my notepad, an old coffee mug full of pens and pencils, and a framed photo of my girls from when my wife took our daughter to get glamour shots. I have a wastebasket full of wadded up rejections, or edits rather. I’ll get a few pages into an idea and then it comes to me how terrible it is so it goes in File 13. The spiders down here have been getting pretty bad. I need to do some dusting and de-webbing. This morning there was a slug trail on the floor. I guess that’s what I get for opting for the basement; however, I’m happy with it. I can hear what all’s going on above me if the girls need anything. I’ve been pulling a lot of late nights like this one. I live on coffee. Energy drinks are stronger but I’m sticking with my black gold. I used to have a bit of a problem with my intake of energy drinks and it got away from me so these days I stick to coffee, cigars (not that it’s that healthier of a habit), and my jazz records; all part of my writing ‘ritual’. I’m quite taken with Charles Mingus and have a fairly decent collection of his work. My wife and daughter aren’t big fans of jazz but down here it’s the house music, my theme music.
Spiders again… The light from my lamp reflects off of their eight eyes. I tried stomping them but it doesn’t seem to bother them. Insects impervious to the human foot; we live in a frightening world. My eyes are dry and everything’s getting a bit blurry. My coffee’s magic spell has worn off and I’m getting drowsy. For some people it’s a sign of a need for rest, for me, however, it feels like I’m at the top of the rollercoaster and it’s about to plummet…
The fuzzy little black spiders have found their way up to my desk; awfully ballsy of them. Well, I thought they were spiders… No, I-I know they’re spiders but they don’t look like it. They all look like me. Tiny, palm size versions of myself in all black and they’re all looking at me. One has his arm in a sling. He’s pointing at me, “Yeah, that’s him! He’s the guy who stepped on me!” There’s an uproar among them, among my little selves. I’ve fallen asleep. This must be a dream. I didn’t think I’d fall asleep down here; thought I’d be too busy but they’ve found me…  The dreams found me.
The little me’s, the spiders, climb on top of my typewriter while others join them onto my notebooks. I don’t know why I can’t move, I’m trying. They have my pens pointed in my direction like spears. I can hear their angry chatter but it’s indistinct. Ouch! They’re poking at me with pens while others dance on my typewriter jumping from one key to the next. They’re typing, “Are…we…awake…?” I’m fighting but something’s holding me back. I can’t move and for a split second all of the little versions of me in black clad are actually spiders covering my things and typing with their legs like fingers. I blink and shake my head and there I am again staring back at me. I muster up the energy and begin typing furiously stamping letters into my little selves splattering their blood on the paper. They squish, squirm, and squeal as they die by my keys. I’m still being poked, however, so I slam my fist down on them, SHIT! The pen is stuck in my hand! I pull it out as the spider people laugh and stare at my blood with culinary intentions. I stab down brutally killing one with the pen and swat another as it attempts to escape. Beneath my palm he’s all broken up like a man who’s jumped to his death from the top of a skyscraper. My desk and work is bloodied with the juices of spiders masking themselves as clones of me smaller than that of an action figure. The paper on my notepad curls as if it were burning. The spiders are gone.
All the red in the blood seems to fade before my very eyes leaving just a clear gelatinous slime. What in the hell is going on? My natural curiosity has me touch it. It’s thick and slick, but doesn’t carry much of an odor. I notice, past the slime on my hand, my family’s picture: the girls have duct tape around their mouths and their makeup is running from crying. I know it’s not real. It can’t be real…but it’s disturbing none the less. Lord, I hope it’s not real.
“I don’t know why you try to fight it…” A voice from behind me. I turn to see, GOOD LORD! It’s a SLUG at least three times my size. He’s sitting up and looking at me, talking to me. It’s green and grey with black blotches and a beige tone underbelly.
“…What?” I reply, though I’m unsure why.
“Why do you try to fight it?” Again, he’s monstrously large and draped with slime. His voice is wet, if that makes any sense.
“Fight what?” I’m talking to a slug…
“Sleep… If you don’t sleep, you don’t dream.” His demeanor is quite casual and doesn’t appear aggressive in the slightest.
“I don’t wanna dream. I wanna wake up.”
“How would you know when you’re awake? You daydream. You constantly have a free flow of thoughts and ideas. You have the same conversations every day. The radio plays the same songs every day. You see the same commercials on your television day in day out. Does that really sound like reality…or just a recurring dream?”
His voice is deep and there’s a bass-like gargle in his tone. He’s slimy and large and appears to be pulsating.
“No… No, this is a dream.” I dare not tell him that he indeed makes sense.
“Is it? You’re alone. You’re a writer living his dream. Your wife and child are nowhere to be seen… Have you ever considered that your happy family life is the dream and that you’re actually just a sad and lonely man who dreams his ideal world while spending his real life talking to a slug and fending off spiders?”
“No.” I refuse to believe it. If I shake my head any harder my neck will break. “I’ll show you this isn’t real.” I tell him as I - WHOA!
Ugh. I’ve slipped in his trail and landed on my back on the floor of this dank basement. I’m covered in his slime and my back and head are reeling. The slug peeks his head over into my view.
“Are you still with us?”
I can hear him move as he slides along my floor. It’s a wet tearing sound. He leaves my side. I can’t move. I hear him slither away but with his size it sounds more like someone being dragged. It was clear the intentions of the spiders were malicious or at least defensive to say the least but I must admit I’m at a bit of a loss to what the slug’s are.
“Hey, wait…” Nothing answers. He’s gone. The ceiling above me is spinning. It’s spinning a bit too much. Dust and various particles are falling down on me. I turn my head to dodge but there’s just too much. Pieces of the wood are falling down…it’s rotted. Soon after the wood chunks fall, termites follow. They’re tiny like any other termite and they’re all over me as I’m lying in the slug’s trail on the floor. I attempt to brush off the termites and get up but they’re ravenous. They bark and snarl with gravely tones as if they were rabid, wild animals. Their volume is quite thunderous despite their size. I’m up and they’re brushed off to the floor where they scatter whimpering like scolded dogs.
The ceiling continues to fall but I step to the side this time. My heart races as I’m watching my house collapse. The house is crumbling before my eyes to where I’m on the main level… Wait… The house hasn’t fallen, the basement has risen. I look around me and I’m upstairs now. I call for my wife, “Claire!” and soon my daughter, “Lacey!” No one answers. I’m concerned. I’m walking through my house but it doesn’t look like my house… I’ve seen this house before but only in a dream, or, this is my house and I’ve dreamt of other places… That damn slug has gotten to me. I know this house. I walk through it and it’s vacant; it’s always vacant. Claire and Lacey aren’t here; they’re never in this house. Why? Why here? The only thing I can think of is this was the house that was here before it was torn down for this current building to be constructed, but that’s crazy.
“Hello!?” I call out to the emptiness of the house only to hear my voice echo back at me from all sides. My eyes follow my ears and dart back and forth all around me. I turn the corner into what is supposed to be the kitchen to find an old woman standing here. She’s gray and frail and taking a cake out of the oven. She doesn’t seem to notice me and I’m cautious about approaching her. She sets her cake down on the counter and turns to me as if I’d been here all along.
“Well, the cheesecake is done. Here in a bit you get to have the first bite.” She smiles and the wrinkles on her face stretch and her eyes are now cat eyes illuminated with a greenish yellow. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to step out for a moment.”
She walks past me to the front door, looks back at me, and opens the door as she falls into a gaggle of different cats. Her human body is no more and this group of cats of various sizes and colors are scattering in its place. They all look back at me before they leave the house and right after they exit the door slowly closes on its own.
I’ve got to get a grip on it.
“Reality’s depressing, isn’t it?” Huh?
I turn quickly to see who’s behind me, of course, it’s the slug. He’s eating the cheesecake.
“What?”
“Reality. It’s awful. Unpredictable. See, if you were dreaming everything would be just right. You’d be happily married and employed. But, no, you’re just like me, trying to make it in this cruel world.” The slug laughs, “We’re both trying to watch our…salt intake.”
The slug smirks. What ARE his intentions?
“This isn’t real!”
“Oh it isn’t? You might wanna check the back of your head…”
I do and my hand is bloodied. The fall. I cracked my skull when I fell. I’m bleeding and I need to tend to it, but it doesn’t hurt. I’m so confused.
“Confusing. That’s life for ya. This cheesecake is delicious. You should try some.” The cheesecake is covered in his slime. “…Might wanna get some before the cats come back.” His goo is dripping all over the kitchen floor. My head is smashed open but doesn’t hurt… This giant slug is trying to tell me that my life is a dream and that my dreams are real; how cliché. I’ve seen way too many movies and read way too many stories to even entertain such a thought.
“You’re not real.”
“Oh, everything’s real. It’s just a matter of perspective. It’s all in how you look at things; doesn’t change its existence, just how you view its existence.”
And for a moment faster than a flash of lightening I find myself kneeled down talking to a normal size slug on the floor. But it doesn’t last long and I’m back talking to this big slimy bastard. There’s something else in the air… I hear something.
“Do you hear that?” I ask the slug. He pays no attention and continues eating. I follow the sound. It sounds like a woman crying. I walk into the living room and pull back the curtains to see a woman surrounded by flames. She’s crying and screaming out, “My baby! My baby!” I gotta help her. The smoke is thick and filling the room. Briefly behind her I see across the street that both churches are covered in condemned signs and the windows are boarded up. Out in front on the lawns of said churches their congregations are kneeled down facing their houses of worship with their heads hung singing hymnals in somber tones. My attention is quickly redirected to the woman in need of help facing the flames. But wait… The fire isn’t out there; it’s this house that’s burning. The woman in the window isn’t who she was a moment ago, she’s now my mother still crying and screaming, “My baby!”
“Mom!” I call out to her. She bangs on the window’s glass with her palms but she ignites along with the flame and begins to melt quickly. The skin of her hands sticks to the window and her hand’s skeletal infrastructure pulls out of her flesh like the bone from slow roasted BBQ. She continues to scream. My heart is in my throat but simultaneously I know it’s not real. My mother died years ago from lung cancer; a different kind of smoke caught up with her. Regardless of its realism or lack thereof it’s still painful to see. The house continues to burn around me. With seeing my mother burn before my eyes I give up and I sit down on the floor. I’m done with this dream. I’ve had enough. To my right side the little slug squirms his way over to rest beside me and to my left the spiders, ‘real’ spiders, gather and we sit together in the center of this burning living room.
Police race down the street with their lights flashing and sirens at top volume one after the other as if it were a parade. I don’t even bother responding or reacting anymore. We hear the neighbors scatter, shouting “It’s the cops! Hide the shit!” No one notices this burning house but me and my…friends. And now they’re gone too. I’m alone. My wife and my daughter are nowhere to be found. I’m about to burn alive and I don’t even have a giant slug here to comfort me, not that he would do so if he were here. The billowing smoke and clouds of ash form what looks to be a snowy, albeit darkened, mountain side and sure enough Claire and Lacy come sledding down laughing joyfully, my wife behind my child holding her. They fall once the cloud collapses, screaming as they plummet. I grit my teeth seeing this, knowing it’s not real. I sit through the fire and wait it out.
The burning comes to an end and I’m tired of sitting in the ashes and I stand up brushing myself off. I walk back through the house of soot to where my desk would be and sweep off piles of ash. My typewriter is there, unscathed, yet it’s covered in more than half a dozen “spiders” or at least the little clone versions of me. I’ve had it with the dream games and brush them off my work, “Get outta here. Get lost.” My variants scurry away. I shake the copious amounts of ash, dirt, and dust off of my chair and I sit down and begin typing hastily. I can’t tell you what I’m writing but it’s pouring out of me. I guess I’ll figure it all out soon enough.
“Baby, what are you still doing up?” My wife’s voice.
I snap to it and I’m typing with the fury of a driven man. My basement office is normal and nothing is covered in ash, there are no spiders and no giant slug. Even as I come to and realize where I am and realize that my wife is fine and indeed my wife, I still can’t stop typing.
“Sorry, honey, just getting some work done.” I had to say something regardless of how absent minded it was.
“Ugh, a slug trail!” My wife screams and jumps back.
I assure her, “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”
“But there’s a slug in this basement. That’s gross.”
“Don’t worry. He’s fine. There’s nothing wrong, just let him go.”
He’s fine…? Babe, you need to get to sleep. A rest will do you just fine.”
“I’ll be up in a minute.”
She looks around at the webs on the ceiling, “I think tomorrow you should do some sweeping and spraying down here.” She looks grossed out by the thought of spiders.
After my dealings with spiders I couldn’t agree more, “My thoughts exactly.”
She exits. I continue to type feverishly. Without much of a pause my hands remove and replace the paper with factory ease. My fingers type with precision and there are no mistakes to speak of. My wastebasket will be barren now that this novel is writing itself, using my hands as its tools. My fingers have cut off communication to my brain and I have no clue what my hands are doing anymore. I’m not even attempting to read along. I’ll just have to wait like everyone else. I don’t know what it is but I know it will be real…from someone’s perspective. I think tonight I’ll sleep better than I have in a long time. I feel anything that was once holding me back or troubling me burned to ashes along with that house and its contents and inhabitants. Maybe it wasn’t something in the house spawning such dreams. Perhaps it was my inner fire and ambition that burned it all away. I’ll never know but I guess it’s like the slug said, “It’s all in perspective.” Tomorrow I’ll read this and see what my dreams have brought me.  
Just for good measure… Just in case… Before I turn in for the night I check my hand and the back of my head and I’m fine. Time to go to bed…or wake up, depending… That damned slug...



Friday, March 8, 2019

Up On The Hill


UP ON THE HILL

On the outskirts of the Stereo Falls community is a hill, a hill that's actually on the border leading into the next town. On this steep woodland hill is a house very few see. The sun sets, the sky is orange. Another limb is thrown on the pile next to his work station. His saw horses. On the other side, a few feet over, lies the burn pile: made up of sticks, twigs, branches, trash, clothes, and other miscellaneous belongings. Usually after a day of hunting for Chester Chum a routine follows. He takes them off the truck, one at a time to not get too far ahead of himself, and using a utility knife cuts their clothing off before throwing it all into the fire. He removes any jewelry or fashion accessories. Using electric clippers he shaves them completely, and then shaves them clean with a straight razor. He takes all the hair from the bodies and adds it to the burn pile - he believes burning such helps keep mosquitoes away. Said bodies are then skinned. The flesh is placed in the freezer. When they see fit, or when it's needed, the meat is then cooked. The bones and cartilage are used for stock. The skin is dried and saved for various uses.
It's a new day. It's early. It's time to hunt. Chester dresses in his Sunday best, "Ma, I'm headed out for a bit.” And he does just that. The older gentleman hops in his rust-colored pickup and heads down the hill. The road winds down the hill in almost a spiral fashion. Down to the busy road at the bottom of the hill and around the corner, he pulls over onto the side of the road, almost in the ditch, and waits... He's in a nice black suit and tie. His hair thinning yet slick back, while his face reveals stubble. The dry weather with the added wind leaves a light dusting in Mr. Chum's hair and face. The man stands leaning against his truck awaiting a bite. He hears the gravel on the road and his head cocks to the side like a dog whose ears perked up. A station wagon carrying a man and his wife comes around the corner. He goes into actor-mode, shoving himself from the truck towards the roadway. Chester flags the couple down; they oblige.
"Car trouble?” The man asks.
"Yes, I'm trying to get home to my wife. She's with child and my truck is a bit under the weather."
"Well how far are you headed?” The wife chimes in from next to her mate.
"Oh, just right up on the hill. I'm afraid my chariot won't make the trek this morning and my knees aren’t what they used to be."
"Well hop on in. We'll take you home to your family."
"You sure it's no bother?" His slight southern drawl also carries with it its southern charm.
"Not at all.” And with that said he climbs in the back while his carriers push on. Chester's palms aren't sweaty, his heartbeat is steady, and his breathing is normal. All of this is too natural for him. He's relaxed. A devilish grin forms over his weathered face as the two in the front seat become inaudible to him. ‘They’ll do just fine. They both have plenty of meat on them and they’re not overweight so it won’t be too fatty… I wonder how much Ma and I could get for the young lady’s necklace. It looks rather expensive but you never know.’
“So how long you all been living out here?” Chester’s thoughts are interrupted by the driver’s questioning.
“Oh, more than thirty years. I like it. It’s quiet. And what do you all do?”
“I’m in TV repair myself.”
The wife chimes in soon after her husband, “And I’m a nurse.”
“We’re finally getting out on vacation.”
“Well that’s real good. It’s important to work hard but it’s equally important to reap the rewards.”
The couple laughs, “We hear ya.”
The car goes up the winding hill on this dry day kicking up dust behind it. The tall and welcoming home on top of the hill breaks through the horizon.
“Wow, is that your house?” The impressed wife asks.
Chester Chum chuckles, “Yes, she’s not much but she’s home.”
“Not much? It’s wonderful. It’s like something you’d see in an old painting.” The man said pulling the car up to the house. “I believe this is your stop, monsieur.”
Chester steps out of the car and stretches his legs. “I thank ya. Much obliged.” Before walking away from the couple’s vehicle Mr. Chum turns back placing a hand on top of the car.
“Y’know… I’d like it if y’all could come in for some tea or a beer or something. Just a little somethin’ for helpin’ an old man out.”
“Oh, we appreciate it but we’re just happy to help.”
“Yeah…” Chester’s demeanor changes for a more serious tone, “Y’see I hate to do this to you it being your vacation and all but my damn picture box ain’t been workin’ right for a month. You mind takin’ a look?”
Although he’s a bit hesitant the driver agrees, unbuckles, and gets out of the car. “Go ahead and stay here, babe. I’ll be right back.”
“Oh hell, bring ‘er in. The more the merrier.” The couple gives each other an agreeing look before she unbuckles and leaves the vehicle joining the men.
The couple, holding hands, is led up to the house by Chester. On the front porch is an old church pew and plenty of wind chimes. They get to the door of this very rustic country home and the man of the house opens the door and bellows, “Ma, we got company!” A woman about Chester’s age comes around the corner in an apron smiling. She’s shorter than her husband and a little heavier but not by much. “This is my wife, Margaret.”
The couple nods, “Hello.”
“These fine young people picked me up when mah truck broke down.”
“You and that damn truck,” She fans at her husband, “You just need to take it out back and shoot it.”
“Oh, you leave Betsy alone. She’s been good to us.”
The young man and wife share an awkward glance.
“So where’s your TV?” The man cuts in.
“TV?” Margaret Chum’s a little confused.
“He’s a television repair man. Isn’t that some luck? I told him about ours and he agreed to give it a look.” Redirecting his attention to the young repairman, “It’s right in here, I’ll show you.”
He leads the man into the next room. “There she is.”
“So he said you were with child…?”
There’s a slight pause before Mrs. Chum speaks, “Oh, yes the baby. Our little man’s lying down for his nap right now. I was just about to check on him, won’t you come with?”
“Sure.” The naïve woman agrees.
Ma leans in close to her husband and quietly speaks, “Your fly swatter’s in the kitchen.” He nods, understanding her meaning.
“Come, dear.” The woman leads the young lady off down the hall. Chester steps into the kitchen and grabs the hammer off the table, smoothly and silently.
The young TV repairman is looking at the box. It’s old, big, and bulky.
“Think you’ll be able to fix it?” Mr. Chum asks while scratching his head.
“Well I might have to open ‘er up.”
“Sounds about right…” Chester’s last words before clobbering the man over the head knocking him out followed by hammering down another couple of blows, killing him… The sound is blunt with a wet thud. The man lies on the floor bleeding from his head.
Chester’s wife returns to the room chuckling, “Well did he fix the TV?”
Her husband chuckles back, “This TV hasn’t worked since 1973. Did she get to see the baby?”
“Oh yeah....”
The young woman lay on a plastic covered floor headless with a bloodied ax beside her. Her lifeless body rests in a pool of her own blood. Her body is lying on its stomach as she was surely killed from behind, her face on the separated head in a frozen state of shock. Blood continues to vacate the body. As in the rest of the house, flies are heard in this otherwise silent and peaceful room.
Outside in the backyard, the murderous couple drags their latest catches out to the stripping area.
“You know what we haven’t had in a while, is your famous meatloaf. I think these too are just right for it, don’t you?”
“Just right. I’ll go fetch the basil from the garden.”
Chester lays the young man’s freshly dead body over a pair of saw horses. “This sure beats fishing. Don’t have the wait and I don’t have to deal with cleaning the slimy fish guts.”
Ma comes back from the garden with various sprigs of herbs in hand. “Sadly, I don’t think her ring is real diamond.”
He chuckles, “Well, honey, not every woman gets a real diamond.”
She looks at the diamond on her finger smiling, “Yeah… Leave me some of the skin, it’ll help crisp up the crust on the meatloaf real nice.”
“Will do.”
He uses his utility knife and begins clipping off the man’s clothes. Looking at the man’s naked body he turns his head to his wicked bride, “Young folk… This manscaping they call it helps me out. Not much to shave.”
“How kind of them, it’s like they knew they were coming here.” Mrs. Chum smiles and goes back into the house.
Clothes are thrown onto the fire, which is circled with bricks. The fabrics of the clothes go up quick. The rubber and plastic of the shoes cause more smoke in the fire. A small bucket by Chester’s feet doesn’t stay empty long as the repairman’s wallet, watch, and wedding band are dropped in. Soon scalps with plenty of hair are thrown on the fire. They burn quick with crackles and pops and smoke accordingly. The fire is large and whatever the couple had on them is now ash.
An hour later Chester enters the kitchen from the backdoor with a tote full of flesh. He grunts from the weight of it placing it on the table with an audible thud. Margaret’s at the stove with a pot of boiling water.
“The water’s ready.”
Chester wipes his perspiring forehead with a bandana from his back pocket, “Yeah, I got the bones outside in the other tote. I’ll go grab ‘em then I gotta strip the car.”
“Okay, dear, don’t overexert yourself.”
“I won’t.” Chester exits.
Margaret happily hums while salting the water. She loves being in the kitchen, it’s THE room in the house that is known to be solely HER room.
Chester re-enters with the bones. “Here ya go, mama.”
She lights up looking at the bloody bones which still have cartilage and tiny scraps of meat left on them. He strips the bodies pretty bare but keeps just enough on them to help with the stock that his wife makes. “Oooh, these look good.” Still humming, she picks through the pile of bones, a mix of the couple’s. “See, I don’t understand the prejudices of how people look; underneath it all you can’t even tell them apart.”
“Eh, it’s just the world we live in, babe. I’m goin’ out to strip the vehicle.”
“Alrighty, I’m gettin’ the stock going.”
Chester exits again while Margaret picks a few bones and puts them in the boiling pot before going back for more. The broken down skeletons in the tote are bloody but not sopping wet by any means. The pot is chockfull of skeletal parts, seasoning, and the water, boiling it all down to a nice stock they store for various meals. If this were an even crueler world than we live in currently then the Chums would have their own cooking show.
Outside, Chester is in the young couple’s vehicle going through the glove box with Margaret’s humming stuck in his head.
“Crap, crap, and more crap. People these days use these things as a damn junk drawer.” He throws the random items out of the car and pulls out his hunting knife and begins tearing into the interiors.
On the fire he adds the car’s trash, seating, and any fabric torn from its insides. The flames erupt higher, the embers beneath stark white from the heat. Laid over the saw horses not far away, the skin of the youth hangs draped over drying out surrounded by flies. DNA drips off the skin onto the ants below.
Inside, Margaret is cutting up the pieces of flesh smaller on the large wooden cutting board. She’s still humming, as happy as could be. Mrs. Chum is quite happy with her simple life. When the meat is finished being cut up she puts it all in a large wooden bowl with one scoop with both hands. The bowl is full of various spices and herbs, some picked fresh from the garden and some from bottles she has. Her hands are stained red from the amount of blood and she digs her hands in the bowl rolling the flesh around in the spices.
Back to the car: Chester’s now under the hood stripping the engine, inspecting each part he separates before throwing it to his right (the Keep Pile) or to the left (the Trash Pile). For the most part everything he’s detached has been good.
“Not a bad piece of machinery.” He stops tinkering under the hood to get a couple of gas cans and a hose. Upon getting to their gas cap he notices it’s a locked gas cap. “Damn paranoid kids.” Using his knife he breaks in, popping the cap off. He puts the hose in and begins siphoning out the gas.
Inside, the glue fly traps hanging from the ceiling throughout the house catch more by the minute. Margaret returns to cutting the meat, breaking it down. She now has her bowl of well-seasoned flesh beside the meat grinder. Turning it on she starts dropping in the pieces as it grinds and comes out looking like seasoned hamburger meat.
Chester is coming around the corner of the house pushing a wheelbarrow full of usable car parts. He makes his way to one of the sheds behind their house, parks the wheelbarrow, and opens one of the large sheds’ sets of doors. It’s completely FULL of parts collected from the years of hunting. It looks like he has his own chop shop with as many parts as he’s acquired, of newer and older models. He wheels in the new parts and starts placing them in their respective areas; the radiator with the other radiators and so forth. All the parts, no matter how old or new, are in tiptop shape. He next brings in the gas cans placing it next to a few other full cans. Gas prices aren’t as troublesome for the Chums as they are for other people.

The grinder continues doing its namesake until it’s clogged, making a jarring clunking noise. “Oh, damn…” Margaret sighs. Using her wooden spoon she tries to push the meat through to no avail. She’s frustrated.
Chester enters from the backdoor, “Havin’ some trouble?”
“Yeah, damn thing’s clogged again.”
“Probably some tough cartilage.” Chester inspects the machine looking at it carefully and pulls out a pin. “Looks like somebody had surgery. So much for these things keepin’ ‘em together.” The couple laughs together and she continues to grind the human flesh into a tasty looking hamburger meat.
“The car’s done. All that’s left is the frame.”
“You gonna sell the scraps?”
“Nah, I don’t think so. Cheapskates don’t pay what they used to for quality metal.”
“Why don’t you go back to making your sculptures? You haven’t done one in years. You were always so happy with your art.”
“Eh, the inspiration just isn’t there anymore. I think I’m gonna repair the fence with some of it.”
“Oh, on the south end?”
“Yeah, it’s been a bit shabby for a long time. Figured I can go ahead and take care of that. Whatever’s left I can use for somethin’ or other. I was thinkin’ actually, I can use it all to repair the ol’ boat.”
“That’d be nice. We can have a night out on the lake.”
The stock on the stove is looking rich and seasoned. Margaret stirs it.
“I’m gonna get in the shower. Taking their guts out got their shit all over me. I don’t know if you wanna make chitlins with them.”
Her face sours before she answers, “Eh, we’ll pass then.”
“Alright, I’m a go clean up.”
“Okay, honey, I’m gonna get started on dinner.”
“Sounds good.” He exits while she continues to hum tunes while molding the meat into a hearty seasoned loaf.
Chester gets in the bathroom and turns on the shower before looking at his stubble in the mirror. “’Bout time for a shave, old boy.”

The skin outside is drying over the saw horses. The fire’s still burning bright. Nothing remotely survived the burning. The red blood is dark against the green grass and not as vibrant as it appears on the saw horses. The skeletal frame of the late couple’s vehicle sits bare. The windows, now a stack of sheets of glass, unbroken, sit beside the house. Next to the stack of unscratched glass are sheets of metal, cut from the doors, roof, and hood of the car. It’s been a busy day for Chester & Margaret Chum. There’s a slight breeze but no real wind to speak of. It’s a calm day, as calm as any other for the Chum couple. Yes, this is a pretty normal life for them. They’re removed from the city and suburban lifestyles along with the traffic, noise, and pollution that comes with it. They never have to deal with vandalism, Christmas carolers, trick-r-treaters, door-to-door salesmen, or even nosey neighbors. They consider themselves living a fairly peaceful life, considering, and living up on the hill they don’t have to worry about flooding during heavy rains.
In the corner of the kitchen, hanging from the ceiling, is an old fashioned dinner bell and Margaret’s hand rings it. “Supper!”
The dinner table has a nice hearty meatloaf in the center with mashed potatoes and vegetables to either side. Next to the meal is a simple vase of handpicked flowers. Their glasses of sweet iced tea, plates, silverware and napkins complete the ensemble. Chester comes in to have a seat. He looks clean and refreshed.
“Oh, sweetie, you shaved. You look so handsome.”
“Yeah, I figured it was time. No use goin’ around lookin’ like some feral animal.” The couple laughs. “This looks wonderful.”
“Well I hope you like it. It was cooked with love.”
She makes his plate, then hers, then sits across from him.
“Let us pray.”
They pray together, “Dear Lord, thank you for blessing us today with this lovely meal and keeping us fed, secure, and happy. Amen.”
He digs in, gunning right for the meatloaf which, by the way, looks delicious. His bite throws him into ecstasy. “Mmmm, damn this is good! This is one is even better than your last meatloaf!”
“I’m glad you like it. You did good, Chet.”
“We both did, honey. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“Oh, I forgot the gravy. Hold on. Don’t take another bite.” She gets up and moves to the stove containing her homemade stock. It’s a deep red and brown color; it looks rich with seasoning. She says as she’s pouring some on his meatloaf, “This stock makes excellent gravy AND we have enough to last us awhile.”
“That’s great. We can always freeze it too.” He takes a bite. “That gravy is killer! We should jar that and sell it!”
“Yeah, but we’d have to go through the FDA and everything else. Too much hassle. I’m just happy cooking for my family.”
“Well your family is happy EATING it.” He chuckles.
“And speaking of family…”
“Margaret…”
“I’m just sayin’ it wouldn’t be bad having a little girl around. I could teach her how to cook and sew.”
“Honey, we’ve talked about this.”
“I know but I want my little girl.”
“Well, believe me I wanted my little boy but when God gave us one it was defective.”
“I’m jus’ sayin’…”
“Well, we’re too old to be raisin’ little kids. Maybe we’ll get a dog or somethin’.”
“Alright, I’ll let it go.”
There’s a silence between them as they eat, both enjoying the vegetables and human-loaf.
Margaret remembers, “Oh, Chester, Singin’ In the Rain is coming on tomorrow. You know how I just love that show.”
“Yeah, we’ll have to watch it on the other TV since youngin’ didn’t fix the other.” He laughs.
“I was thinkin’ tomorrow the skins should be dry enough. I could fry ‘em up as chips and we can use more of the meat and have nachos. I could even make burritos if you’d like, if the skin rolls okay.”
“That sounds good; just no jalapenos. You know how they mess up my stomach.”
“I know it. No spicy food.” She stops, thinking to herself, looking at her arm, the skin to be more exact. “It’s interesting that most foods that can be made with corn you could easily do with human skin.”
“Yeah, you can fry it, boil it, roast it, bake it… The way we do it works out best for everyone, really. No more land being taken up with graves, the people serve a purpose other than wasting space that could be used for homes, and the corn that’s planted every year could go towards other things like fuel.”
“We could do a Chinese food night and I’ll make those eggrolls or spring rolls or whatever they call them.”
“Why you always tryin’ to do different stuff? Whatever happened to the good old days of pot roast, stew, steak and potatoes? Eh, I ate enough Asian food during the war to last me a lifetime. I don’t even wanna eat rice again. I’m almost done with grits because they remind me of rice.”  
She laughs at her husband, “You’re terrible. We don’t have to do Asian food. You can use skin for anything. It would even make good lasagna.”
“Now that I could do.”
“I love you, honey.”
“I love you, too, darlin’.”
“God sure has given us a happy life.”
“Yes, he has. He’s always done right by us.”
Margaret smiles, “Now eat your supper ‘fore it gets cold.”
He smiles back, “Yes ma’am.”

It’s later. Game shows are on the TV while Mrs. Chum knits in her rocking chair only half-watching the program; a quiet night for the Chums. Chester puts his jacket on.
“Where are you off to?”
“Ah, figured I’d go get mah truck. No sense in lettin’ it sit down the road all night.”
“Okay, be careful.”
“I’m on it.”
It’s dark out. The fire is long dead and the air has a bit of a nip to it. The sound of insects and owls fill the night sky. Chester casually walks down the road as if he’s walking down the street to the local market to get a loaf of bread and his knees are just fine. He doesn’t have a fear of walking in the dark by his lonesome and his stride shows it. He’s lit by the moonlight and the occasional streetlight. Hearing a rustling, he stops in his tracks, looking over to the area of said sound. A coyote emerges from the tall grass snarling and growling. He’s mangy and hungry, as feral as expected. The hair on his back sticking straight up as he stares at Mr. Chum but Chester doesn’t move, doesn’t show any sign of fear. The man stares right back at the beast sternly until the animal caves. The coyote stops his usually dangerous act and retreats back into the woods. Chester smirks and nods before continuing his journey to his truck.
When he returns he notices the skins swaying in the crisp air, dry, and ash lightly blowing in the breeze. The night fades as the Chums sleep peacefully.

The bright golden sun comes up. The truck is back at the house. Birds are chirping. Everything is peaceful. Chester wakes up from a good long night of sleep and stretches, yawning big. He stumbles out of the bedroom still adjusting to waking life following the scent trail left by a fresh pot of coffee. The smell leads him right to the kitchen where Margaret is up, wide-eyed and bushy-tailed. He’s rubbing his eyes before looking down to see the wonderful breakfast she has set before him.
“Steak and eggs with toast and coffee.”
“Damn, babe, this looks marvelous. You keep feedin’ me like this every day you’re gonna have to wheel me outta this house.” Her husband laughs.
“Oh, Chester, you’ve been eating like this for years and ain’t barely gained a pound.”
Chester digs into his steak and moans of its goodness. “That is so good. Is this from them two yesterday?”
Margaret is pouring herself a cup of coffee, “No, that’s that one from last week. The uhh…  Who was it? The Mormon fella who came around.”
“Ah, yes. Well, just goes to show, it doesn’t matter your beliefs, we’re all tasty just the same if cooked right.” He moans eating more of his ‘steak’ and eggs.
Mrs. Chum sits across from him, “Are you going into town today?”
“I don’t know. Hadn’t really planned on it, why?”
“Well I need some more yarn, some starch, some baking soda, and some seeds for the garden…”
“Well hot damn, woman, why don’t we just buy up the whole store?” She laughs at him. He’s always been able to make her laugh.
“Nah, I think I could do that. I’m sure I got some things to pick up myself. I take it you’re not wantin’ to go?”
“Nah, I’m sick of goin’.”
“Alrighty. After breakfast I’ll head on out. Go ahead and make me a list so I don’t forget anything.”
“I will.”
“You know, we’ve had that barrel of teeth in the back for a decade now, what do you plan to do with it all?”
“You know, honey, I don’t rightly know. I guess I could grind ‘em up and mix it in with the fertilizer…”
“Not bad. Gets it out of the house; serves no purpose in here.”
“I know. I know.”
“I hate when you say you know. If you know then you oughtta do somethin’ ‘bout it.”
“Alright, alright! When I get back from town today I’ll take care of it.”
“Alright; that’s why I like to hear. I’m a go read the paper.” She exits.
“Slave drivin’ woman…” He mumbles.
“I heard that!” Mrs. Chum yells from the other room.
So, with his coffee cup bone dry, Chester Chum heads out to town for the day…

Meanwhile down the hill and around its winding road two men are walking tiredly through the wooded area off road. Both men are white and bald, one with a goatee and the other without. Both men are wearing the same pants, grey prison standard pants with white undershirts. Both prisoners have their regulation grey tops tied around their waists. They look as though they’ve been walking quite a while as their perspiring shows. Plenty of tattoos are visible on both of the convicts including iron crosses, swastikas, and various names in old English font.
“We gotta get us a car, Chax. I’m tired of all this walkin’. My legs can’t take much more.” Says Thompson, the clean shaven of the two.
“I’d rather have sore legs then be sittin’ in the hot seat right now. What about you? A hike in the woods or death row?”
Thompson swallows his complaints and nods, “Yeah, you’re right.”
“We’re gonna be fine. We’ll get us a car and somethin’ to eat. We’re almost in the clear.” Chax replies.
“We were in the clear a long time ago. We’re off their radar.” Thompson argues.
“Pipe down, will ya? I think I hear someone comin’.” Chax halts with his hand back to his cohort.
The two men are stopped in their tracks as they hear a vehicle coming down the hill; sounds like a truck. They look over to see none other than Mr. Chester Chum coming down the hill in his pickup truck.
In the truck: Chester sings hymnals to himself on his peaceful drive, “This iiiis the day… This iiiis the day that the Looord haaaas made…”
Chax and Thompson, literally partners in crime, see their chance.
“There! Let’s go!” Chax commands. The two men run down to the road where the truck should be any moment, almost tripping and staggering in their haste.
In the truck: Chester continues to sing his graces and thanks, “I wiiill rejoice… I wiiiilll rejoice and be glaaaad in iiit, and be glaaad iiin iiit…”
The two men are roadside waving their arms. Chester notices, “Oh, looks like someone’s in need of help…” Mr. Chum slows to a stop on the side of the road. “You boys look like you’re in need of some assistance.”
The men step up to the truck but not aggressively. “Yes, sir we are.”
Chester notices their attire and tattoos and his crow’s feet printed eyes squint, “You boys in some kind of trouble…?”
Chax steps forward, “We don’t want any trouble. We’re just tryin’ to get outta dodge.”
The driver gives them another look over. “You boys look like you could use a meal.”
“Yes sir. We’re starving. We’re thirsty. We’ve been walking a long time.” Thompson speaks up.
“It would appear so. Well hop in the back and I’ll take you boys up to the house and we’ll see if Ma can’t whip you up some grub.”
The two men are very thankful and jump in the back of the truck. The vehicle turns around in the road and heads in the opposite direction to the house up on the hill. The two escapees sitting in the truck bed notice its bloodstained interior.
Thompson sees it and looks up at Chax, who shrugs, “Hunters…”
The truck kicks up dirt and dust making its way up the hill. The men in the back enjoy the breeze and wipe sweat off their faces and bald heads with their shirts. They see the house they’re approaching and look to each other and nod. The three men pull up to the house and the cabbie puts the vehicle in park, “Well, this is it.” Chax & Thompson jump out of the back.
“So you and your family live here?”
“Oh just the wife and myself; we haven’t got any children.”
The two inmates give each other a glance at the old man’s answer.
“Come on in. Let’s get you cleaned up and your bellies full.”
“We can’t say no to that.” The smiling men join Mr. Chum up to his home.
The door is opened and the man of the house leads his new guests in, “Ma, make yourself presentable; we got guests.”
Margaret comes in from the other room, dressed for the day, “Well who do we have here?” She asks eyeballing the men. It’s clear to both of the Chums what they are.
“Hi, I’m Thompson, this is Chax.” The men nod their heads to the old woman.
“What kind of name is Chax?” Ma Chum is inquisitive.
“It’s the name my brothers gave me.”
“I see. Well you boys look like you’re in need of a hot meal. You boys like meatloaf?”
“Yes ma’am.” The men are excited to get a home cooked meal.
Chester pats Chax on the shoulder, “You boys are gonna love it. Margaret makes the best meatloaf.”
The Chums lead the two starving men into the kitchen, “Right this way.”
In the kitchen, Ma sits them down at the table and goes to the fridge. She pulls out the leftover meatloaf on its tray and places it in the oven before turning it on to heat. She adds the dish of potatoes and a dish of her gravy in with them to warm.
“You boys just have a seat and relax while your food heats up. Would you like some iced tea?”
“Yes ma’am.” For being escaped convicts they’ve remembered to keep their manners.
She pours them both glasses of tea while Chester watches the two from the doorway in which he’s leaning on.
“Let’s see if we can find you boys some clothes.” Ma says as she walks over by her husband. “Four in one week, you’re good.” Chester grins and she leaves the room.
Mr. Chum steps in and has a seat with the guys, grunting as his old frame sits down. “So Thompson, Chax, what were you boys in for?”
The two look at each other before replying. Chax says, “We’re innocent men.”
“Oh, come now, you boys musta done somethin’ to run away like ya did.”
“Like he said,” Thompson continues, “We’re innocent. We want a chance at life.”
“We’re not animals, mister; we don’t belong in cages.”
“Oh, I mean nothin’ by it. Just askin’ is all. Usually innocent men don’t escape like y’all did. I’m gonna reckon a guess from your ink that it was violently race related, yes?” The old man’s got guts.
The two men are irritated and hesitant to answer but before they do, “You boys still hungry?”
Margaret re-enters the room breaking the tension.
“Yes ma’am.” The men answer in unison.
Ma pulls the meatloaf out of the oven and the smell of a fresh hot meal fills the room. Their mouths water as they’re focused on the meat while Chester’s eyes never leave them. Ma sets their plates and gives them silverware before bringing the tray to the table.
“Here you go.” Margaret says loading their plates up with meatloaf and the mashed potatoes that she had put in with it before topping it off with gravy. Just as the two are about to ravage their plate like wild animals she stops them, “Hold on now. You boys didn’t say grace.” Thompson & Chax look at the Chums who are staring right back at them, waiting.
They nod, “You’re right. Sorry.” Chax looks at his fellow escapee before he motions to lower his head. Chax attempts grace, something Thompson, the Chums, and even you gather is not something he’s used to.
“Thank you, O Lord for this fine meal on this…fine day. And thank you for…blessing us with the help of these kind folks. …Amen.”
“Amen.” The other three chime in. The two men tear into their meals like savages, “Mmm this is so good.”
“Yeah, it’s been so long since I’ve had a home cooked meal. This is great.” Thompson agrees.
“Well, you boys eat up.” Chester says before turning to his wife. “I’m gonna head outside and clear off the saw horses.”
The wife replies with a wink, “Gotcha.”

Outside, Chester pushes the sticks, logs, and outer brush around the fire pit more inwards for the next burning. He clears the dry skin strips off of the saw horses and lays them in a tote by his feet. The skins are layered gently like lasagna noodles and any blood has dried.
Chax comes out from the house, “Whew, you’re right about that meatloaf. Best I ever had.” The convict notices the bloodstained saw horses, “So, you a hunter?”
Chester silently chuckles, “Yeah, you could say that.”
“Deer? Bear? What?” The young man is quite inquisitive.
“Oh, just about anything I can catch, really.”
“I bet.” The man continues to look around. “You all got a lot of land. You’re pretty secluded out here.”
“You can say that…”
“You all catch much trouble?”
“Nah, it’s pretty peaceful. Ma & I like the solitude.”
Chester continues readying his saw horses while Chax scans the area before looking over at a shovel leaning against the house.

Inside, Margaret is washing the dishes while Thompson looks around the house.
“Ma’am, y’all sure do have a nice home.”
“Why, thank you, dear. We don’t have much but it’s home.”
Thompson watches her wash the dishes as her light gleams from her diamond ring and his eyebrows rise. “Well that’s all that counts right? Don’t you think people bog themselves down with material things?”
“Oh yes, child, yes I do.”
He continues to eyeball the house and she finishes the dishes. “Well I better go check on those clothes and see if they’re ready for ya.”
“Okay, ma’am…” He watches her leave the kitchen and takes a drink of his iced tea.
Thompson slowly saunters into the living room from the kitchen as Margaret is coming back in with a stack of folded clothes in her arms. At this moment the front door is KICKED open and Chester is shoved in the house down to the floor. Chax enters behind him with the shovel in hand.
“Chet!” Mrs. Chum screams in fright upon seeing her already bruised husband. “What are y’all doing!?” She hollered. Chax comes down with the shovel hitting Chester with a blunt blow. She’s scared, looking at the two men. Thompson’s demeanor has changed from a sweet stranger to a sinister being.
“You wanna know what we did to get locked up? You wanna know what we are? Thompson, show ‘em!”
Thompson nods with his wicked grin and grabs Margaret by the back of her hair and forcefully bends her over the arm of the couch.
“NO!” Chester yells for his beloved when Chax continues to beat him down keeping him subdued with hit after hit. The blows are aggressive and painful.
Thompson punches Ma Chum in her back several times before forcing her pants down. She screams and cries flailing about but can’t get out of the man’s hold. Her husband continues to get beaten brutally while he watches the horror of what’s happening to his loving wife. Thompson undoes his pants and begins raping Margaret. She screams in pain and fear.
Thrust after thrust he continues defiling this terrified woman when Chax stops his partner, “Alright, that’s enough! Check the house! These old bats gotta have somethin’ here!”
Thompson pulls out and fastens his pants before fighting the woman’s wedding ring off her finger. She struggles but it’s no use. Thompson looks at it and places it in his pocket before heading through the house. Chax hits Margaret with the shovel and kicks Chester in the ribs before beginning to search the house himself.
Chester reaches his hand out for his wife, both in pain and crying, “It’s gon’ be okay, Ma; it’ll be okay.”
While he assures her Thompson ravages their bedroom looking for anything of value. He finds a jewelry box and empties it into his pockets and continues rummaging. Chax goes through the kitchen checking the cabinets only finding canned goods, clean dishes, and spices.
He moves to the chockfull fridge, “Nothing but meat.” He slams the door shut and moves on to the backroom. He finds a barrel and pops the top and immediately his head cocks back in confusion. What did he find? A large barrel completely filled to the brim with teeth, “What the fuck is this?” He looks closer and there’s no doubt this is all human teeth. Chax scoops his hands into the dental trove, thinking there may be something hidden beneath, but all he finds is more and more teeth. He kicks the barrel over spilling the teeth all over the floor. “What the hell?” He says to himself seeing the spilled pile of bone.
“Chester…” Ma says crying to her husband.
“I know, honey, I know…” He says holding her hand in pain.
“They took my weddin’ ring, Chet…” She says crying. Chester grinds his teeth furiously.
Thompson is smashing hung pictures of the Chum couple he sees around before making his way to the baby’s room. He’s confused seeing this vacant nursery with a bassinet in the center of the room. Upon approaching the bassinet he sees what looks to be the skeleton of a deformed baby lying on a bright white mattress. His face sours at the sight as the door slams shut behind him. He jumps at the sound and turns to find the baby’s mother standing at the shut door.
“You come back for more?” Thompson says grabbing his crotch.
She reveals a knitting needle in each hand and slowly moves towards him in anger.
“Hey, Chax!” He screams as she clinks her weapons together.
Still tearing up the backroom, Chax hears him and turns to find Chester standing there looking almost like a feral animal. “What? Whatchu got, old man?” Chester pulls out his hunting knife with one hand and his utility knife with the other. Chax smiles and nods, “You wanna play, old timer?” The men square off as Chax picks back up the shovel with Chester wielding his two blades. He swings the shovel as Mr. Chum ducks and swipes at Chax’s stomach, cutting him.
“AGH!” Chax grunts.
Thompson is attempting to laugh off this attack from an old woman, underestimating her anger and hunger for revenge. She thrusts at him and he dodges, continually backing away from her attacks. She follows him, circling around the bassinet. He looks down seeing the baby bed before kicking it over spilling the deformed baby’s skeleton to the floor.
“My baby…!” Margaret’s beyond furious and flips her knitting needles to a more stabbing position before she starts swinging her arms at him in a windmill fashion and his condescending facial expression changes to that of fear and pure terror. There’s no stopping her momentum and fury and he’s backed up against the wall. She comes down at him brutally, repeatedly stabbing him over and over. He cries and whimpers in agony as her craft items bluntly pierce his skin. She doesn’t stop and the rapist’s body is bloody and full of holes. In a rage she continues to tenderize and shred the escaped convicts flesh.
Chax swings down at Chester again, making contact. He grunts in pain but as heated as he is he’s able to shake off the bulk of the pain, “That all you got, you Nazi punk?” Chax laughs and swings again, this time breaking the shovel over Chester’s shoulder. He’s shocked and disappointed at the loss of his weapon and Chester is unfazed swiping at him with the utility knife slicing across his swastika tattoo.
Chax punches Chester in the process, “I think my boy was really diggin’ your old lady…” Chax chuckles before spitting to the side.
Chester Chum’s had enough and swiftly forces his hunting knife into Chax’s sternum. This quick move has caught the convict by surprise. Chester pulls the knife and begins to hack and slash at the fiend with both blades slicing him to shreds before his body hits the floor, face down in the pile of teeth once belonging to countless people, bleeding all over the pearly whites.
Thompson lies dead and pulverized, repeatedly stabbed while Margaret sits on the floor mere feet away cradling her baby’s bones crying.
The door creaks open and Chester enters gently sitting down next to his wife, “It’s alright, sugar. They’re gone now. They’re dead.” He lovingly puts his arm around her as they look down at their once-child. He kisses her head, “I know. I miss him too.”
Thompson’s body is dragged to the living room floor by Margaret just as Chester’s hauling in Chax’s corpse. They lay the two bodies together before looking at each other still pumping adrenaline and dripping with hatred for the two men.
“You wanna clean ‘em?” Ma asks.
“No, I wouldn’t give ‘em the satisfaction. Nowhere near bein’ good enough for a meal. Let the animals have ‘em; it’s where these two belong.”
“Alright. You take these vermin outside and I’m gonna clean this house.”
“Sounds good.”
Margaret reaches into Thompson’s pockets retrieving her jewelry and, most importantly, her wedding ring. She puts on the ring and kicks his dead body before spitting on it.
Chester drags both bodies with a hook in a foot of each of them. There’s a bloody trail left behind the dragging but Chester knows it won’t be there long. He drags the two naked scumbags out to the wooded plains and unhooks them. He looks down at them with disgust before looking out at the woods around him and up to the already circling birds overhead.
“Yeah, I’ll be surprised if there’s anything left by morning. That was some escape, boys; out of the fryin’ pan and into the fire.”
The fire outside is blazing high and the two men’s clothing is thrown into the flames. They burn until there’s nothing more. Chester enters the house after his trek to the woods to see Margaret has already mopped the floors. She’s cleaning up the bedroom now which is where her husband goes.
He enters the room to see her picking up bits and shards of glass, “We’re gonna need to pick up some new frames, Chet.”
“I’ll pick some up tomorrow. I’m gonna go grind them teeth up and get ‘em outta the house.”
“I appreciate that…”

So the husband and wife worked together to get their lovely home back in order with Margaret cleaning up behind the chaos and Chester grinding up the dental collection.
Outside, Mr. Chum mixes the tooth crumbs with the fertilizer just as planned. He stops when finished and looks at the beautiful sky and the view they have over Stereo Falls. He takes in a deep breath when he’s met by Ma Chum.
“Nice weather. I think tomorrow when I get back from picking up frames I’m gonna fix that boat; get us out on the water.”
“That sounds nice.” The couple stands together watching the peaceful view, both bruised and tattered.
“C’mon…let’s go watch Singin’ in the Rain…” He says with his arm around his love as they peacefully head back into the house so Ma can enjoy her movie.
The sun sets and the Chums settle in for a serene night after surviving the horrific experience of the day. They survived together as a family and praised God for it. Flies still buzz around the house as always. The home is clean and doesn’t look like any mayhem took place at all and the happy couple watch their movie while enjoying the nachos Margaret has made them.
Outside in the cold wooded field, the bodies of two escapees lay bloodied with fresh pecks from frequent birds as wild coyotes come out of the woods approaching their meal licking their chops. They don’t need a bell to let them know…that it’s suppertime.