Writing with Multiple Sclerosis

I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember. I rarely finished anything. I’d quit short stories and scripts when I had gotten discouraged. Writing books was never really part of the plan. I’ve played music for years. I play multiple instruments but mainly bass, guitar, and keyboard. I’d also always had an interest in film. The only books I’d intended to write (someday) was a poetry book, an anthology of horror stories, and maybe a science fiction novel. For years I’d planned independent horror films as well as albums (electronic music and progressive stuff mainly).



I’d also been working on a number of screenplays. There was always something getting in the way whether it was lack of money or lack of helping hands. I worked nights in a factory for years and tried to create in my free time. I live to create. I’ve been drawing characters and writing story ideas/outlines since I could hold a pencil. With numerous projects, and working on them primarily alone, frustration was mounting and completion seemed impossible.



In January of 2013, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Doctors and I traced symptoms back to high school and perhaps even into childhood. I still tried to work on projects but the disease was progressing. Things were becoming clearer to me. Being completely solo and having no money, any hopes for a film to be made had to be put on the back burner indefinitely. Also, with my health in decline, I knew I wouldn’t be able to do what I’d aimed to do musically (actually playing live shows, etc.) I could still record but playing live with everything I got going on wouldn’t end well. Which sucks because I had some pretty good songs going.



I haven’t done much with film at all, just some minute shorts and things, but I still play music every now and then. I hope to someday release a bass album. I’ve had some electronic music on YouTube under the name Vestibular Blue. I think I’d like to get back to more electronic music, particularly Synthwave. Movies and music were eluding me, and with a busy work schedule and this disease, getting time to really commit to screenwriting eluded me as well. I began having troubles with my hands when I’d previously just had trouble in my legs. I was feeling frantic trying to find a project in which I didn’t have to rely on anyone else and something that my illness couldn’t hold me back from.



After losing my job, my wife suggested I work full time towards my goal of being a writer. She suggested I send the poetry I’d read to her out. I did and I got published by Supposed Crimes. From there I ended up writing my first novel and I was hooked. Writing books turned out to be what I was looking for. I can write whatever I want and not worry about a budget or other people to depend on. It just requires imagination, time, and work. The limitations of the disease brought me to writing books and refocused my writing and brought my attention to the craft.



It’s still hard. I have a lot of bad days. Some days I’m in too much pain, others my nerves are out of whack and I can’t focus on anything. But in the end, it seems as if Multiple Sclerosis led me to what I love doing most. Despite this debilitating disease, I’m writing more than ever, working towards a better life.



To date I’ve had five books with Supposed Crimes (3 poetry, 2 novels) and five self-published (1 novel, 1 play, and 3 collections). Everything was done and my career (slow going as it may be) started after my diagnosis. It slows me down but I haven’t let it stop me. Multiple Sclerosis tries to drag me down every day, but I keep fighting, and keep writing.



Writing with Multiple Sclerosis is like having a bipolar editor in your head, and hands that often seem to write whatever they want. Days of crippling depression and anxiety and pain. It’s a struggle, but I’m blessed to be able to fight. Many with the disease aren’t as lucky as myself, and I acknowledge that and am quick to remember when I’m going through hard times.



I was diagnosed seven years ago and just saw the release of my tenth book. Agent Phoenix is my third novel, and fifth project with Supposed Crimes. I’ve talked on here before about Book X and the future. I’ve thought before how nobody will know who I am until my tenth book; well, we shall see. Until then I’m going to keep shutting MS down and keep working.